My fucking depression has hit an all time, I don’t know what to do with myself. Iv started using again which is terrible as so many people were/are so happy at my recovery. Iv started writing again- its all down hill. I really want to sort my life out but I don’t have the incentive or energy anymore. Im not riding the pompous clean train that you see at NA meetings and that shit, I don’t want to pass on my recovery to someone ells, its my fault so I should deal with it. All NA members seem to be living in a world of stupidity between two worlds, the high life and clean life.
I wanted to be a junkie, I wanted to be a fucking rock star it came with the territory. Now im just a wannabe poet/ Pete Doherty who writes shitty anthologies based on my romanticised view of opium and the dreams of crack cocaine.
Offloaded that shite……
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